What is the Deal With Food?

A dilemma:

A former student has come in to visit today and dropped off a belated Christmas gift. What is the gift, you ask? A magazine, a CD, and a massively huge box of chocolate turtles.

Yes, my thoughts exactly.

And for just a split second I had the urge, without hesitation, to rip the box open and scarf down a few. I mean, let's be real, I could probably polish off the whole thing. Here I am, by myself in my classroom. No one would see me, and no one would know.

But I stopped myself. I am not eating any.

It has gotten me thinking: what is the deal with food? Why has our society gotten to the point where food is an overly indulgent guilty pleasure? I'm surrounded by fast food joints, pizza parlors, and TV shows about the best greasy food you can find in a diner. Why is that important to America? When did it become trendy and cool to be able to eat a 12 pound burger, or 6 hoagies in an hour? And, dare I even ask, why food even needs to be enjoyable at all? All it is is fuel for our body. Nutrients, protein, vitamins. Why do we need greasy burgers and birthday cake ice cream and damn freaking chocolate turtles????

I feel like all I think about is food, especially now that I'm trying to eat healthier. It has taken over my life, and I hate it. I wish I were completely indifferent towards what I put in my mouth, because God knows that even though I enjoy it while I eat it, as soon as I'm finished eating the burger and fries, or the Wawa hoagie with chips, or the pint of Ben and Jerry's ice cream, the guilt sets in. I swear to myself that I will spend extra time at the gym, that I'll eat extra healthy the next day. It is literally the worst feeling in the world. And then I get angry. Why can't I eat it? Other people do. Why do I have to be the one who can't overindulge? And then I get sad, and then depressed that I'm sad, because really, why does it matter? Why do I care so much about some stupid ice cream? Will the world end if I don't eat it? Even further, will the world end if I don't finish it?

No, it won't. And that's what I'm trying to teach myself. Food does not control me. I will survive, probably quite happily, if I don't eat something overindulgent every day.

I feel ashamed that everything I wrote above is true. I feel embarassed and ashamed that this is who I've become. That food has taken such a priority in my life, and that it's such a struggle for me to overcome it.